Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jacie's LiveJournal:

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Friday, October 23rd, 2009
5:39 pm	so 4 months later... I still have the crush on Super D... and the good news is, I can enjoy it because he still barely acknowledges my existence, so I can look to my heart's content. I don't care about him for real, but until there's someone else as pretty as him to look at.... In other equally boring news - I have managed to have an average in the current bowling league that is a good 15 pins higher than any other average I have ever had and now every week is a challenge to maintain it... Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: Friends (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
9:02 pm	And the hits just keep coming... So, I made a stupid mistake when I had a few beers (not enough to be drunk - just enough to not use my BRAIN) and told Bo (who works at Cowboys) that I thought Super Delicious was ... well, Super Delicious. He says "I'll find out about him" - and I'm like "eh, okay - what harm could that do?".... I'm sure, being the bright person that you all are, can see that this is going no place good. So Thursday I get this text from Bo saying to go read a message he sent me on MySpace... Here it is: Good Morning Joan, I did speak with Jarron. Told him he had a Fan. His first reply was "Would I F*** her" Meaning ( BO ). Sorry but most guys are pigs. I said In a New York Heart Beat. If I was ever so lucky. Told him your smart, very cute, Great Smile, just fun to be around and hang out at that table on Thursday nights. He said for you to come by and say hi next time. If you need help kind of breaking the ice let me know and ill go with you to start the conversation. If you want help. If it doesn't work out I know someone who like's you. PS have a GREAT day and keep smiling ! Bo WTF??? Since when does "find out about him" equal telling him??? (fyi - I think Bo was hoping I would be all 'upset' about SD's response (the 'f' remark) - however I found it typically boy and amusing.) So, Thursday night Bo is texting me (Bo is not there) and we get into this whole big stupid text discussion - anyway ultimately I'm not going to say anything to Super D because, well, 1 - I'm a big fat chicken shit - but also 2 - he's working. Besides, it's still pretty safe to have the ridiculous crush because he doesn't know who I am... it's all good. Bo says he'll talk to him again and I say back "that's okay - if I can't talk to him myself that is my own problem and besides it's just a stupid crush". How much clearer can I be??? So Friday, I'm shopping with a friend of mine and I get another text from Bo, "Joan, send me a picture of yourself for Super D".... Are you fucking kidding me??? I say back "OMG - why? - are you talking to him?" - to which he says "yes, send the picture". So, now he knows who I am... oh joy. He still told Bo for me to come say 'hi' and I'm thinking "why?" ... ugh. Okay - so Saturday - after the wedding K, Junior and I go to Cowboys. Super D is now training to be a barback (I don't really know that it requires that much training, but I suppose there must be some art to it)... anyway, I'm not, again, going to chase the boy down while he's working... eventually I do go say 'hello' to him when he was standing by the back bar. Just "hi" blah blah - introduce myself (because what choice to I have now?) nice to meet you - blah blah... so, now I can no longer enjoy my Super D gazing... :( He was completely oblivious of the whole thing before but not now... my only consolation is with this bar back thing I can actually avoid him without it looking like I am. I was really enjoying the whole hopelessness of this crush, too. Fucking Bo - who apparently is now in the pimp business. Oh oh - and not only that - but Bo told K that he not only told the boy that I call him Super Delicious but showed him my texts about him. UGH. Ugh ugh ugh! Oh - and through all this Bo is saying stuff like "i know what it feels like because I feel the same way about you"... oh bullshit! I am positive it is because I won't respond to his crap. I think he's hoping somehow that this kid will break my heart and I'll come running to him... PUH-lease. First I would have to have a heart to break but secondly, he's pretty much killed any chances of that happening by sharing all my crap with the boy. Really??? And because I can't help over-analyzing - why tell Bo to tell me to come say 'hi' to him and then say nothing? So, I figure it's just him not wanting to be rude, but giving me the "i'm totally not into you" message which I already HAD, thank you very much! Current Mood: bored Current Music: National Treasure (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 7th, 2009
8:49 pm	I can't believe it has been almost a month... since I wrote my last entry. Well, my life is pretty boring anyway, so no one is missing anything... ugh. I feel the need to really shake things up... now I just have to figure out how. That's one of the reasons I'm doing the tattoo - because it is so completely out of character for me. It's the craziest thing I can think of that's actually possible (and I have an appointment with other people to do it!)... I am praying for some kind of self awareness or something... like I'm not all that bad so why can't I just talk to the stupid boy??? Eric asked me last night if I "was afraid I would say something stupid or afraid of rejection?" to which I answered "yes". Basically - I'm sure what will come out of my mouth will be equivalent to "I carried a watermelon" - which no one but the most ardent movie fan will understand the reference... :/ Current Mood: bored Current Music: Lakers v. Magic - (go MAGIC) (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 16th, 2009
1:23 pm	To put a fine line on it... how can I continue to be friends with someone who continues to fuck me over? I'm tired of ** being accused of stuff I would never do; ** being told I'm a bad friend over stuff that she's done to me MORE THAN ONCE; and just tired of it all. Despite that, it's still hard. I don't want to feel like this about someone I have all this history with. And let's face it - I don't have all THAT many friends. I have to say "can I afford to be picky?" :( And if she weren't such a HYPOCRITE then I could let a lot of it go! Some of the stuff she says - then does - is just so ridiculous I have a hard time believing this could be the same person! For example: One of her other friends kissed this guy (kissed him ONCE just messing around and not even THAT kind of kiss) that she kind of liked (one of several) and I didn't hear the end of it for months, but she can totally do MORE than kiss someone I kind of liked (one of FEW) and that's okay. She can hook up with a guy that I liked and that's okay but when K went out with Billy, again, had to listen to her whine about it for months. and boy am I just a horrible person for messing around with Rich (Boy A). He's the ex of someone I haven't seen in over a year and a half and don't even speak to, have no idea what's going on in her life, etc. Yet, she did Ryan. Seriously - aaarrrrrgggghhhhhh! That's the hypocrisy. I've also been accused of kissing Rick - this 'great love' of her life. (for the record - EW) - and accused of telling people she got a DUI. (which I just did, but since not one person reads this - well, do I really care????) I'm getting to the point of "since I'm being accused of it - I may as well just do it"... I can't win either way! I haven't quite decided how I'm going to handle this - but just not being around her that much will solve a lot of it. Eventually it will just be history... :( Some other bits of tid: I need to really work out some more and eat less if I'm going to go through with the tattoo. I don't want to go anywhere today (to keep from spending money) - so I am bored - but note that I did change my user pics. I finished crocheting my blanket: It's not perfect but it was fun. Now I'm crocheting a scarf for Junior - as if she needs a scarf in Florida in May... Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Splash (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
10:30 pm	I so should... write more often - the drama that surrounds me should be put in writing... even if it is never read by anyone until sometime way in the future who is studying the past and how things were and get a totally warped view of people in the early 2000s. And now it's late and I can't get my thoughts together to do it. Reader's Digest version is even too long. I really have to put some different pictures up... Tony is not in orange and black anymore - Yah. And the Red Sox won their first game and the Yankees lost. Life is good. :) Current Mood: tired Current Music: My Boys (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 26th, 2009
11:54 pm	LOL - now we are looking at 1 a month + 5 At this rate I'm going to have to kiss 15 guys on December 31... :/ Okay - sooooo... my little buddy Eric is back in town. He is Sarah's ex-boyfriend. So this is what I hear tonight: Sarah: As long as he stays away, that's okay with me. He gets drunk, though, and calls me a whore. Eric: I'm done with her - over it. She's texted me 3 times in the last 4 months and I ignored them. Me: Arrrrrggghhhhhhhhh...really? :P I really do love both of them. And I have told both of them that - i.e. - "I'm friends with both of you, I adore you both, deal with it." But Eric has been gone and Sarah and I have become a little closer. I'm not a bestie or anything, but we get along good and if someone held a gun to my head and said "you have to pick".... I think I would go with her. No one will do that, thank You God, but I thought I should admit it somewhere. Not to say he's lying, because I know her well enough to know that given a lot of alcohol, she probably DID text him. And she broke up with him and broke his little heart, so part of me thinks, "Sister, you need to leave him alone". But then, I also believe her in that he probably has called her and probably called her a whore, too. That's not really kosher, either. Oh brother. This should make cowboys more entertaining.... NOT. As a side note: Even though Sarah and Jenn don't have a lot in common, they are also a lot alike - it must be the age (they are a month apart)... and one of the ways they are alike is they both see things as either black or white... there's no gray. I know that IS their age, but it amuses me, nonetheless. oh and btw - I owe Eric a birthday kiss...so now it will only be 14 on December 31.. bwahahahaha.... Current Mood: awake Current Music: silence - just turned Will & Grace off (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 1st, 2009
8:40 pm	Now it's one a month and FOUR bonus subject: I said that my resolution for this year was to kiss 15 boys. That's one a month, plus 3 bonus. Yeah - okay. Um so, I'm doing this book study at church called Safe People - it's by the same guys who do the Boundary books (excellent). Anyway so... chapter 7, Why Do I Isolate Myself From People? Page 126, Self-sufficiency. ...emotional philosophy is the following: "I can take care of my problems", "I don't burden others with my problems", "I can handle my problems myself, thank you." "I'm fine, really.", "No, really, I'm fine" What's wrong here? God doesn't create us to be relationally self-sufficient. He loves us to need each other. Our needs teach us about love and keep us humble. True self-sufficiency is a product of the Fall. If you've got the disease of self-sufficiency, you've probably had it a long time. ... Indeed, self-sufficiency has lots of advantages, because you get to avoid all the uncontrollable problems and risks that needy people can't get away from. Here are a few examples: You don't have to experience your incompleteness, which is painful You don't have to go to the trouble of finding people to love you You don't have to show other people the hurting, imperfect parts of yourself You don't have to look anyone in the eye and say, "I need you" You don't have to risk asking others to comfort and support you You don't have to humbly receive what they offer, in gratitude And you don't have to do it again and again and again Oh crap! I knew it was a facade that really wasn't true. I think I've hinted at that in previous posts. But to see it written in black and white (green - haha) - UGH. though, I did know that I was only fooling myself in my self-sufficiency. Yes, it does work - it's safe in here to go "ha - at least i'm not insane like these truly high-maintenance needy people"... it's all very lonely and not really all that self-satisfying... Damnit... Here's how you fix it: What to do? If your self-sufficiency is driving you away from relationship and into isolation, begin the process of confession. Confession is telling the truth, and the truth is, you need people. The reason people say confession is good for the soul is because it brings unloved parts of our character to places of love. Find people that understand self-sufficiency. They'll know you can't "feel your need" for them. But they'll help you state your isolation, talk about the reasons you're disconnected, and discuss how hard it is to give up your independence. As you confess this problem to safe people, a wonderful miracle happens: over time, self-sufficiency melts and gives way to need. You are then reconciled not only to God and others, but also to yourself. *sigh* this has been my mantra for so long. i don't know about this whole confessing thing. though i do know that lately it has become a bit unbearable. it no longer feels like "i'm fine all alone" but "i'm lonely" and that just sucks. My safe little box is not so safe really. There's a great song by Garth Brooks called Standing outside the fire and I'm starting to, at a safe distance - ha, think I want to NOT stand outside the fire anymore. GACK Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: the Super Bowl which i'm not really paying attention to... (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 4th, 2009
10:29 pm	Happy New Year short and sweet... okay - short... as I expected - the relationship has ended. Why are people so dumb when it comes to affairs of the heart? This man has used her three years in a row now. All three times dumping her. How many times do you have to be fucked over before you say, "you know what? no!"? Just say NO! She says "God brought him back into my life" and I said "maybe God wants you to learn something and say NO"... is it just me? I know it isn't. But I wonder if I have something missing from my heart. I just don't see me doing this - for anyone. Maybe no one has offered. Maybe I'm just a cold-hearted bitch who doesn't understand because it's never happened to me... ugh. Am I being too judgmental about this? Am I too smart for this? And, if so? Am I missing out? Is this why I'm alone? My unwillingness to accept bullshit? :( Is it just me to think that love shouldn't be that melodramatic?? or difficult? Current Mood: curious Current Music: M*A*S*H (Comment on this)
Monday, December 15th, 2008
7:54 pm	TMI hmmm... so I'm sore... I'll just let you sit on that a bit. Actually not what you might think. But still, obviously this is something I need more of... bwahhahahahahahaha. So, I texted him. Something just stupid. Don't expect a reply. Which is okay. He seems to only text me when he's drunk. There's a country song you would have never heard called I Love Drunk Chicks..basically the singer likes drunk chicks 'cause they like him. I totally relate to this song. *sigh* All the girls get prettier at closing time... Current Mood: eh.. Current Music: Rita Rocks (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 14th, 2008
6:12 pm	Drama O'Rama I keep trying to get away and they keep dragging me back in... So last weekend P got a little wasted and because her current guy (whom I call Dick - though his name is Rick) can't seem to make any kind of commitment issue, she decided to have some fun with Alan. You remember Alan? (here's what I wrote about it when it happened: 1 - Again P goes out with someone that I liked. Here's the thing - I really don't like, nor do I want him, anymore. So, why should I care? The truth is, I wouldn't if it was anyone else (but her). The hypocrisy just annoys the crap out of me. I am past the annoyance in general though. I love that girl to death but I just have to remember that when it comes to boys, she really has a standard for her and a different standard for everyone else.) Anyway, so last Saturday she basically uses him (Alan) to make herself feel better about Dick not responding as he should. He's an ass too. They (P and Dick) are both so high-maintenance it's hysterical. Anyway, so this week they are sort of "made-up" for lack of a better term. I don't really think anything of it, as staying out of it and only offering comments if directly asked seems to be the best policy. Soooo... last night I get to Cowboys. I think Alan was waiting for me or something (I was later than usual because of an office party), as he practically ran me over when he saw me... wanting to know - you guessed it - why P wasn't returning his calls or texts, especially after last weekend and their little party. Now I don't want to answer this, she never even mentions the guy to me. Whether that's because she thinks I don't want to hear because it was wrong of her to go out with him to begin with or because she really doesn't care about him, he's just someone she "got" - probably a little of both. So, I say that I don't know - that she was pretty trashed when she got there - that I don't want to be in the middle, etc. Then I go to the bathroom to get away... While I am in there I decide I'm going to just tell him. I had originally told him when he asked me if I cared if he went out with her that, and I quote, "you will have to get in line" to which he replied that he could handle the competition. (to which I think "whatever - you ain't all that"). So, I go back out to the club and I see him again and I tell him, "remember that song if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with?" He said he thought so but wasn't sure what I meant. **aside: did I really believe that I could get away with just saying that and he would understand without me having to say it??? - he really isn't that bright. My bad** Anyway, after I stressed not being able to be with the one you love, he finally says, "Oh, there's someone else".... (there's a few actually, but that's neither here nor there since that particular night she was only concerned with one - haha) So, anyway, now he's all ticky and saying how he hates women, yadda yadda yadda... then he says, and I swear I am not making this up - "She said exactly what she thought I wanted to hear"... REALLY???? I don't have any other words, really - I am plain out - :/ On a different note, I have been hanging out there with these two guys I met in May or thereabouts. I met them because one of them, Brian, started asking me about dancing and stuff. So, he and his friend Matt, have been coming up there on a fairly regular basis. They are both engineers and in their early 30's. I like hanging out with them because they are such complete guys and they talk around me as if I were one of them - it can be quite amusing. For example, one night Brian says to me "Has anyone ever used the line 'you're the prettiest face I've ever come upon' to you?"... to which I, of course, rolled my eyes and said "no". Last night the both of them were talking about Family Guy - I think that was the one - and some character who is some sort of player that the next morning his first thought is "why is are you still here?" and few more. Ring any bells? Anyway, both of them said something to me last night at different times that completely made my night and you, djr, are going to know how pathetic my life is that it did. The first thing was when we were walking through the crowd and this extremely large girl almost knocked me over. Matt saw it happen and said something to the effect of "then I saw little Joan being tackled over..."... Little - he said I was little. Then later we had gone outside to try and get out of the smoke and heat. I had on a sweater (because of the fore-mentioned party I had been at) and had rolled up the sleeves. Later when we went back in, we managed to get under some vents. Brian said "this is much better" and I said, pointing to my sleeves, "Yeah, I'm not hot anymore..." then said kiddingly, "well, I'm still hot - zzzssss"... and he said, without missing a beat "that goes without saying". :) On another side note, Brian is so my type, both physically and the fact that he's not a country redneck boy, at least not as much as most of the guys in there. He has no interest in me that way (and he is a bit younger) - but damn. Anyway, I can live with friendships... I miss guy friends - they can be so much less DRAMA-TI-CAL ... And some more... ( Remember this? ) For the record - Girl A and Boy A have managed somehow to get together a few times without anyone knowing about it (well, anyone that would be 'roommate'). And the sky has not fallen and Boy A is a lot of fun and just what Girl A need(ed)/(s). And how fun it is to have a secret from someone.... JUST SAYIN'! hahaha Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: the tv in the other room (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
10:58 pm	Hmmm - I think I've done a LOT of these things... and shouldn't that be a good thing??? 1. Started your own blog Does this count? As sporadic as I am at it? 2. Slept under the stars Yes - but hated it - roughing it to me is no cable (or free wi-fi, haha) at the Holiday Inn. 3. Played in a band uh no - I have no musical ability whatsoever 4. Visited Hawaii Visited and lived. 5. Watched a meteor shower 6. Given more than you can afford to charity A few years ago I started tithing seriously - (more than 10%) and you know - I always have enough. You can't give more than you can afford - He takes care of it. And I didn't believe this until I did it. 7. Been to Disneyland and Disneyworld - I am a Florida girl - sigh 8. Climbed a mountain 9. Held a praying mantis (Ew, no! Why would I do that!?) - I agree! 10. Sang a solo No one and I mean no one wants to hear this. 11. Bungee jumped 12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm Again - Florida girl - I couldn't avoid it if I wanted to! 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch well, I can draw cartoons a little from seeing others. 15. Adopted a child - If I had the patience for kids 24/7, I would. 16. Had food poisoning One of those things I hope to avoid my entire life - so far, so good. 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty I gotta come back - we'll go together! 18. Grown your own vegetables They call me Black Thumb 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train 21. Had a pillow fight 22. hitch hiked In Spain it was fairly safe and we did it all the time. 23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill I'm pretty sure - but I know I felt guilty about it... 24. Built a snow fort 25. Held a lamb 26. Gone skinny dipping for about 2 minutes - it was cold and felt too exposing (if that's a word) 27. Run a Marathon sort of - does 5k's count? 28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 29. Seen a total eclipse 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run I wish :( - I could barely get a hit. 32. Been on a cruise 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 35. Seen an Amish community Whole communities in southern Maryland 36. Taught yourself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied who wouldn't want more? but you know - I take care of what I need so... I got nothing to complain about 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing 40. Seen Michelangelo's David 41. Sung karaoke Not enough alcohol in the world 42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt I'm 95% certain I did see this as a teen - but I was probably bored. 43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 44. Visited Africa went to Morocco when I was 15 - rode a camel - disgusting stinky animals 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 46. Been transported in an ambulance I was 2 - I have tiny snatches of memories of laying on my mom. Neither one of us was hurt badly - it was a car wreck. 47. Had your portrait painted but from an existing photo - not of me sitting there. 48. Gone deep sea fishing 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 52. Kissed in the rain (Ugh, this is so corny.) Isn't it??? 53. Played in the mud I was a tomboy 54. Gone to a drive-in theater drive-in theaters are the BOMB! 55. Been in a movie (I might be in a movie. I'm not sure. It's not a movie I have any interest in seeing, so I never checked. But I was an extra in it. The Mirror has Two Faces, starring Barbra Streisand. I still have yet to watch this movie, Has anyone seen it? Did anyone see me in it?) Yes - I did see it - and now I will have to watch it again - which scene? Do you know???? - (and I liked that movie - I related to it - go figure) 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business 58. Taken a martial arts class 59. Visited Russia 60. Served at a soup kitchen this is on my list 61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies as a GS and a mom - and hated it!!! 62. Gone whale watching in Hawaii - almost fell off the boat trying to get a picture. They aren't allowed to get anywhere near the actual whale, so don't believe the promotional 'come on our boat' pictures on the docks! 63. Got flowers for no reason 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 65. Gone sky diving who, in their right mind, jumps out of a perfectly good airplane?? 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 67. Bounced a check Only sort of - technically I did - but since I'm in a CU, they go in my Savings and pull the money, so... does that count? 68. Flown in a helicopter 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial 71. Eaten caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square and met the Naked Cowboy! ;) 74. Toured the Everglades amazingly I haven't done this, go figure 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 77. Broken a bone (It is my goal to go through life without ever breaking a bone. So far, I've been successful.) me too 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 80. Published a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car the car I have now - only had 5 miles on it :) 83. Walked in Jerusalem 84. Had your picture in the newspaper 85. Read the entire Bible a few times 86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 88. Had chicken pox I was 30 - totally sucked! 89. Saved someone's life 90. Sat on a jury 91. Met someone famous met a few race car drivers and the naked cowboy - ha 92. Joined a book club two, in fact 93. Lost a loved one 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a law suit 98. Owned a mobile phone 99. Been stung by a bee 100. Read an entire book in one day Current Mood: Chatty Current Music: Silence (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 9th, 2008
9:19 pm	Randomness Craziness is going on and I don't even know where to start. My friends are 'fighting' - well, not even fighting, really, but the whole thing just puts me in the middle. And, where I know I should take myself out of it, it makes it hard when you live with one of them. Plus, they are both wrong and they are both right, so.... UGHness. I can't help feeling responsible even though I am not. I hate this. Then there's just me and all my craziness. On a positive note, Gary says I am not nearly as crazy as the two of them. Somehow, I'm not sure this reassures me as he has no idea my issues. I don't tell him, so he'll continue to believe I'm the sane one, haha. I'm thinking, that even though I self-loathe over being the Man Repeller, it is probably what does keep me the sanest among us. *Sigh*. So, I asked God sincerely, with no irony whatsoever, to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me stop caring about this. And just in asking, makes me cry. Right now, crying. How does one harden one's heart to this? Really? Any solutions would be greatly appreciated. It's not just R - he's just one in a long line. I don't blame him or even have a care about him one way or another. Except I do. Well, not really that way. I don't want a relationship with him - it would just cause too much drama, not to mention his total lack of focus - it would just be nice for someone to actually want one with me. Is that really so much to ask? I like him, but only in recognizing a sense of humor - and he's sharp. And before all this, had no problems being completely myself with him. Now, ugh, it's all awkward. What should I say? what should i do? I have a feeling I'm asking God for the wrong thing. He is not giving me what I am asking for because it is not what He wants me to ask for. Do I want to quit caring that I am the Man Repeller? Yes. But more than that - I want to NOT BE the Man Repeller. There, I said it - or rather, wrote it. This is all very selfish and self-involved of me. There's way more important issues I should be praying about. All of those things - truly - I am blessed and have nothing to complain about. Ugh. More self-loathing. *sigh* -- is that a mood? Let's look... nope and no Repelling mood either - haha. Doesn't my writing suck? I swear, despite how it sounds, I really am NOT on the verge of offing myself or anything. For the most part I am a happy, optimistic person. And mostly amusing... :/ Current Mood: Not as bad as I sound Current Music: Lost - first season on some cable station (Comment on this)
Friday, October 17th, 2008
11:24 pm	Good stuff I still haven't decided what, if anything, I'm doing about certain things. Not sure there is a solution really. We went to St Augustine last weekend and had a blast. But she makes this comment ... not going to get into it but seriously - wtf? On a much happier note - Boston is still alive after two humiliating defeats. (the first defeat wasn't necessarily humiliating - just sucked). Here's hoping this wakes them up cause now they are coming back to Florida and as much as I love the Sox - the Rays have had a phenomenal year and I don't know that they don't deserve to go the the Series... just not at the expense of MY team - haha. and an even happier note - for me anyway - I finally bowled a 200 game - Yeehaw Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Dirty Sexy Money (Comment on this)
Monday, October 13th, 2008
7:50 pm	Is this controversial? (you know my directions for doing an lj cut on this are in the other room and I'm just too lazy to go look for it...> 1. Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey? None of this seems all that controversial to me....but that's just me. Me, too. 2. Would you do meth if it was legal? Probably not - I'm somewhat of a wuss when it comes to the harder stuff. 3. Abortion: for or against it? In an ideal world, there wouldn't be a need. Don't believe I personally could do it but then I've never had an accidental pregnancy. 4. Do you think the world would fail with a female president? LOL - uh no! If I ruled the world... ;) 5. Do you believe in the death penalty? Not really. Like suicide, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Besides, the way it is 'used' is not a full proof system and too many 'innocent' people have been sentenced. (btw - one is too many). 6. Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already? Yes - legalize and tax it - better controls! 7. Are you for or against premarital sex? I think it's unrealistic to throw sex at hormonal kids 24/7 and then tell them not to do it. I don't think kids should be doing it - it's so fraught with emotional crap (aside from the pregnancy/disease angle). But then they are saturated with 'everyone is doing it' and 'it's no big deal' - so don't think we can turn that train around... 8. Do you believe in God? Yep - don't believe in religion though - even though I do go to church and bible study on a fairly regular basis. Jesus' message was one of love, loving your neighbor as yourself, caring for the poor... etc. That's the message that seems to get lost in some 'religious' people... :/ 9. Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized? I see no way having two gay people marry has any affect on my life, and I don't see how it will somehow affect other people. God, this is such a bullshit issue, to me. The people against it want nothing to do with gay people anyway, so why should they care if they want to get married? They never have to see it, or deal with it at all. So why do they care so much? I have no idea why people care so much about this - I'm with you - it has absolutely no bearing on me. Plus - have heterosexuals done such a good job with it???? 10. Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA? Not if they are coming in with the intention of becoming legal citizens, working, learning English, etc. That being said - I don't care if someone speaks Spanish around me - however, if you want to live here, you should have a comprehension and ability to be understood the country's language. 11. A twelve-year-old girl has a baby - should she keep it? Dunno - seems a little too young to be a good mom, plus she's just a baby herself and should have a chance at that childhood. 12. Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen? This is a tough one. Despite the "their doing it anyway" argument, statistics say that traffic deaths due to drinking went down significantly with the raising of the drinking age. But if you are going to tell an 18 year old that he/she is old enough to die for the defense of this country, he/she should be able to have a beer... 13. Should the war in Iraq be called off? I think that train has left the station. Have goals, meet them and then get out. 14. Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree? Kind of. Getting into slippery slope territory here. Who decides if someone's life is worth living? 15. Do you believe in spanking your children? Yep. Usually you don't even have to, just the threat... besides, you don't do it to hurt them, you do it to get their attention. No one should be beat and it should NEVER be done in anger. 16. Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars? I don't think so. Burning the flag is an act of - what's the word - not defiance, but disagreement with a policy or act. Out of respect for the men and women who gave their lives for my freedom to burn that flag, I couldn't cheapen their sacrifice by doing it for money. I also do not believe the act itself should be illegal, as it is a symbol of our country and our country is based on freedom of /for peaceful assembly. Besides that, I don't believe burning the flag has become sort of rampant 'problem' that needs a constitutional amendment... 17. Who do you think would make a better president: McCain or Obama? Do I have to choose one of them? :/ 18. Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers? Nope, 'cause the one person who reads this and I respectfully disagree on some stuff and totally agree on others :) that's what makes our friendship great! Current Mood: content Current Music: Law & Order (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 5th, 2008
10:54 pm	ugh I don't know what to do. I know why she does it, I really do. And part of me feels really sorry for her - it's such a total weakness on her part, truly. But how much am I supposed to take? I can make myself immune to it - I can to a point. Sometimes it's just hard, though. That's all. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Dirty Sexy Money (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
9:39 pm	Hanging out in our Nation's Capitol I'm here for work. Sitting around for 3 days talking about attorneys and vouchers - yee haw. Meanwhile, once again, I am in the middle of a stupid drama moment... Here's the 411. Girl A decides that life isn't complicated enough and wants to go home (or take home) Boy A. Boy A's roommate finds out (Boy A told her when she asked where he was going. Surely Girl A might have had the forethought to tell Boy A to absolutely NOT tell Roommate, but I digress...) and tells Boy A that if he goes home with Girl A, he has to move out of Roommate's house. For a myriad of reasons - but basically Roommate says s/he does not want to "hear about it from Girl A for 6 months, because Girl A will get 'hurt'". Is this really any of Roommate's business???? I think not. Not to mention that Roommate is a Drama addict and takes on everyone's actions as somehow involving them. Not to mention that Roommate does NOT like any boy to like anyone but her. Roommmate likes all the attention to be on her and if attention is averted to others, Roommate becomes petulant and apparently, a manupilative shrew. Girl A was getting to a place where she wasn't as annoyed with Roommate as when first finding this out but now that Girl A is thinking about it - is just annoyed again. Also, Girl A is now convinced more than ever that doing Boy A would be really fun and might just be what she needs to no longer be annoyed at Roommate. With the addendum added that Girl A has (nor had) NO intention of telling Roommate to begin with. Because, and I can't reiterate this enough - IT IS NONE OF ROOMMATE'S DAMN BUSINESS!!!!! Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Law & Order (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
10:10 pm	So because I like these things... talking about oneself... and I really enjoy reading these - even though a couple on MySpace went on and on. Keep it to a minimum folks - if you answer all the questions in one meme - what's left for others??? I would LJ cut this BUT the directions are in the other room (not sure exactly where) and I really don't feel like trying to find it.... 1. First Name: Joan - I'm going to put it right out there - don't like it, never did. Dislike 'Joannie' even more THO there are a few people who can get away with it just because. I think it means "Peace" in Hebrew or something. Not sure why I was named this except my dad did not like any name that could be 'nicknamed' - which is funny considering EVERY one in his family had a nickname! Maybe that's why. Anyway - I have never felt like it was 'me'. Or at least not the 'me' I want to be, which is why I use Jacie. 2. Age: 44 - GACK - how did this happen??? And for the record - I feel much younger inside. 3. Location: Orlando FL. Been here 16 years - longest I've ever lived anywhere - weird. Don't know why I like it. I like aspects. It's a very 'military' town in the sense that very few people are actually 'from' here, so I fit in, since I'm not really from anywhere. I like my church, my dancing place, my job, my grocery store (Publix and I am happy to say they have bought the grocery right next to my house - could it be more perfect?)... so, I will probably be here for a while. 4. Occupation: Hmmmmm - what is my occupation??? I'm in administration for the Federal Courts. I deal with a lot of attorneys and paper. Love paper - attorneys, eh... Here's the thing, before I had this job I thought all attorneys were intelligent based entirely on the fact that the constitutional law classes I had to take (they were HARD). But now I know - not so much. Though I will say that the 3% (we really did the math) of attorneys who are morons are such morons that the rest of them are just lumped in. 5. Partner?: I'm assuming the meaning is romantic. Nope. 6. Kids: One. 7. Brothers/Sisters: Nope 8. Pets: One - a dog - a terrorist mix... I mean a terrier mix. He's a great dog. Doesn't get in the garbage, chew up stuff he shouldn't, dig.... he does, however, have a lifting leg 'habit'... that's what keeps him from being perfect. And he sheds alot, but that is hardly his fault. I adore him aside from the pee thing. 9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life: Hmmm...okay.... a) Well, I suppose one would be the invisalign braces. As far as braces go they are pretty cool. You can't see them and I can see the results now that I only have 7 weeks and 1 day to go! They are still a nuisance - but I have almost straight teeth. b) hmmmm - I have roommate/kid issues going on. I don't blame the roommate. We made a deal - a deal we shouldn't have, but still. And now, here she is. And, while I appreciate the economy crap going on, still - go POUND THE PAVEMENT - make an effort I can see. c). Umm......nope. I'm stuck at two. 10. School: I went to several. Graduated from Orange Park HS, and, eventually the University of Central Florida with a BS in Criminal Justice. I liked it, but not enough to go back. Though I think a theological degree would be interesting. 11. Parents: Mom - crazy lovely woman. Very extroverted and NOSY. Which is why I don't ask questions - don't want to be NOSY... the anti-mom :/ Dad - BEST in the world - grew up DIRT poor in South Carolina. Joined Navy - spent 30 years serving - Godfearing - moral - funny. A little conceited but not obnoxiously so. More a good sense of self. Died in September - NEVER EVER STOP MISSING HIM. (*sniff*) 12. Who are some of your closest friends?: Well, hmmmm.... I have different friends that serve different purposes in my life. I love them all. P - she's great and sweet. She would die for me, she really would. However, she has some issues with self-esteem and having all the boys' attention is how she feels better about herself, even if she hurts others to 'be who she is'... and for some reason, that person seems to be me. I've come to a peace about it though, after some serious meltdowns -- but I'm stronger for it. K - the same - and as slightly annoyed I get - there's no one better. Ozz - a guy who I have met in person only once but feel I can tell anything to. Maybe because he is far away, and offers male insights. And never says "you are nuts - get over it" - thanks! :) Gary - big brother. Drives me nuts - not in the least interested romantically - but could call him for anything and I would do anything for him. Eric - if he were 10 years older - I would be in love with him. Current Mood: good Current Music: General Hospital (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 24th, 2008
12:07 am	on my list.. Ok - so tomorrow I'm going to do something I've never done - I'm going to ride in a limousine. When I agreed to this, I didn't realize I was helping pay for it - but cie la vie - I've decided to revel in it, as who knows when this will ever happen again... at this rate, when I'm 90! haha Here is how this came about: a girl I know rather casually, tho I do like her (even if she is a Yankees fan - j/k). Anyway, last week I get a text from her, something like this, "next Sat is my bd - getting a limo - want to come?" So, I answer that of course I would love to come. There was a text a while later that I thought said "RU still in - I need to reserve the limo" - to which I replied "yes"... Only, seeing as how I can't completely see small text writing w/o my glasses, (and I deleted all my texts - I'm on a roll) missed the "$63 each"... tho not sure MY text said that - but since both P's and G's did, I'm thinking mine probably did too. Anyway - I feel bad that I totally agreed and I don't want to back out, so wth - may as well go and enjoy it. I have the money (tho I would rather spend it on something else) - it's going to be at least a $100 night :/ The other 'not so bright' thing I did this week - I shredded our lotto ticket! (the one I buy for work). I would say "accidently" shredded it - but to me that sounds like an oxymoron - because, hello!, would I do it on purpose??? Anyway, it's all good - and taken care of and no one seemed to be too put out (at least not to my face - lol). I've bought a new ticket - all the same numbers - no one loses anything but $10... Ugh - apparently my brain is on vacay! Went without me! Saw Indiana Jones tonight. Since I can't remember how to lj cut exactly - I won't get into it here. I liked it - not as good as 1 and 3 - much better than 2. The surprise wasn't a surprise to me and they so set up a sequel - they can deny - but they did. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Fraser (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
11:01 pm	always randomness So, I did something I can't tell anyone about. I just thought for a second I could tell you, my one journal reader - but then I remembered that I don't know if my kid still reads this and I can't tell her either. It's not horrible - I didn't murder anyone or anything. It's more embarrassment. Though the other participant in this is not the reason. Gack. And it really was no big deal, but still, I feel bad that it happened because I was totally using this person for my own selfish reasons with no regard for anyone but myself and my own feelings of inadequacy. And, in itself, was pretty harmless and I think the chances are good it will pass without permanently affecting anything, so the best thing would be to stop stressing on it. On another random note entirely - I have done what was requested and almost spent all of my economic stimulus money. I got a new phone. Not totally what I wanted - but totally what I wanted would have cost me $30 MORE a MONTH. So, not really what I totally wanted. I like the new phone though - it's an LG slider dealie. Though until I get used to the differences - don't be surprised at seemingly inane texts... :/ And, no, it is not a $600 phone! I also bought a Red Sox jersey.... those babies are not cheap. Actually, I got two. I got one a while back and while the Large Youth Patriots jersey fits me fine, the Large Youth Red Sox jersey is a little snug... I kept it though. My mom may 'buy' it from me for this girl she knows who also loves the Sox and is a little bit smaller than me. Anyway, I ordered another one that will hopefully fit... Also, I found my can't-dance-without boots in black! At least I hope I did. Guess I'll know in 5-7 business days. I sure hope they are right because my brown ones are possibly the best $115 I have ever spent. They are over 10 years old and still in great shape. The black ones weren't quite that much - tho close - but if they last as long as these and are the same comfortable shoe - I'm a happy girl! There are a few more issues of randomness I should cover - but it's bed time... Current Mood: tired Current Music: Nothing - off to bed (Comment on this)
Friday, April 18th, 2008
1:19 am	Update 1 - Again P goes out with someone that I liked. Here's the thing - I really don't like, nor do I want him, anymore. So, why should I care? The truth is, I wouldn't if it was anyone else (but her). The hypocrisy just annoys the crap out of me. I am past the annoyance in general though. I love that girl to death but I just have to remember that when it comes to boys, she really has a standard for her and a different standard for everyone else. 2 - went to my dad's memorial at Arlington - it's called an entombment or something. It was very nice and emotional (boohoo time) - there are pics on my MySpace if you are interested. (I may as well not even pretend that anyone but one person reads this). Last week my mom called me and we were talking. She said she had a bad night and was crying (she is NOT a cryer AT ALL) - she said she just missed him so much. I didn't know what to say - I didn't want to get all emotional since I was at work so I just said "I don't know what to say, you just have to get through it until you are". Then later when driving home, a song I really like comes on - has absolutely nothing to do with either one of them - and I start bawling. I just feel so bad for her. I miss him enough, but it's not the same. :( on general randomness: My race team SUCKS and they aren't bad drivers but they are having the biggest slump. For example - last race I didn't get more than 350 points (I think it was 315) and good is over 500. My best driver (Tony, of course) was 14th - 2 were in the 20's and 2 were in the 30's. Wretched! On a brighter note - the Red Sox beat the Yankees today :) - (yes, I know they lost yesterday, but they won today). Current Mood: good Current Music: should I admit Golden Girls? (Comment on this)